a broken heart...

this is not

the christmas

post i had

 

planned

nor did i expect

my holiday eves

to be filled

with sorrow

followed by

eye opening

 and jaw dropping

statistics

learned from hours of research

this precious baby

girl

the granddaughter

of a woman

i worked with years ago

our sons hanging out

together when we

needed to take them

with us

is celebrating her

first christmas

without her daddy

he died

a few nights ago

just days after

this gorgeous photo

was taken

addiction

it is real

it is frightening

and it is

a very huge problem

in our community

this beautiful blue eyed

princess

is not the only

daughter waking up

fatherless

 this christmas morn

in a very short

amount of time

i've learned of

several

young men

that i have known

good decent families

with one thing

in common

heroin

we need to wake up

reach out

stop being in denial

before it is to late

our prayers

go out to the women

who are now

 alone

as they try to cope

with an empty

bed

a broken heart

and a story

they will one

day have to share

with their

children

to the families

who are heartbroken

have guilt

are asking

 why

they could not do more

how do we help

we must stop

what so many

 police departments are

declaring an

 epidemic

we must

it is killing

too many

snowy splendor

there's just

something

about a...

...freshly fallen snow

that brings peace

to my existence

and when it

happens

at just the right

time

late in the quiet
of evening

in front of

a window full

of kate spain

christmas quilts

my heart

becomes full

of holiday spirit

forward with hope...

life has a way

of throwing

roadblocks...

in our path

sometimes

they are tiny pebbles

sometimes boulders

often people

 the necessary part

of living

and growing

and learning

is knowing that

no matter what

one must

keep moving

forward

with hope

for a brighter

tomorrow

the haters are going

to hate

the bullies are going

to bully

the jealous types

are going to

try to cut your legs

out from under you

the insecure ones

are going to

create drama

still

keep moving forward

with hope

just believe
in yourself

nature's beauty

i've had the

privilege

of staring...

at this richness

in our front yard 

for the past week

i'm afraid today

she'll be gone

as the winter winds

are blowing in

 across the lake

her beauty i

am thankful to have

captured

for remembrance

throughout the cold

snowy days

her glory shall return

next year

mother nature is kind

that way

healing threads

for three years now

we have been

stitching for others...

 

 

in beautiful happy colors

our mission is

simple

to help others

feel better

to let others know

we care

it's a simple gesture

that allows our

sarah to create

then share her talents

this week

for the first time

in more than four years

she herself

has been in the hospital

double pneumonia

last night

 at the suggestion

of a customer

i brought her a pillowcase

and a quilt

this morning as the room

became chilly

following a power outage

due to a massive

ice storm

i witnessed first

hand

what a difference

it can make

as she slept so

peacefully

the first time

in more than a week

miracles in the clouds...

days like this

remind me

although i want...

 

to think i'm

in charge

i'm really not

 we indeed arrived in

 new orleans last night

but by four this morning

i knew sarah

was in trouble

 so we called for a taxi

 and headed back

to the airport

 for the first flight

to ohio

the taxi driver

no doubt

divinely sent

 midway through

somewhere over the midwest

it was apparent

her airway

was collapsing

 so i asked

 the flight attendant

for a small tank of oxygen

 instead

 i got multiple emt's
quickly responding
 to her plea
for help

 they were heading to a

first responders

 convention

in south bend

the one who stepped up first

a gentle giant of a man

sarah adored him

the admiration

quickly became mutual

then we landed

to see out our window

three firetrucks

 and two ambulances

 at the gate

as the doors

 of the plane flew open

chicago's finest

 dressed in blue

raced in

to scoop up my girl

 and in the process

we educated

 an entire plane
 full of strangers

who cheered, clapped

threw praises

and blessings our way

feeling very grateful

that we safely arrived home

and thankful for the

strength that

comes over me in times

like this

so sorry to have missed the

wedding

and the quilt shops

we had planned

to visit during our stay

we'll have to make

a return visit

one day soon

especially to thank

tommie walters

of baton rouge

our hero on flight 1792

a grateful crash

i went to

the body shop

today...

 

 

to clean out

the boy's car

as the

insurance company

 has declared

it a total loss

not surprising as

it was more

than a decade old

i started with

the center console

then the glove box

scooped up the

two soccer balls

the empty energy drink cans

before moving

to the back hatch

as i gathered

a single lose sock

my eyes welled

with tears

my heart became soft

realizing there

are parents

who would cling to

this stinky sock

as a remembrance

of a last game played

the scent of their athlete gone

they would carry

this box full of stuff

home to an

 empty bedroom

i said a little prayer

in that parking lot

feeling very grateful

for second chances

this evening

true story...

i don't believe I've ever

gotten

political on this blog...

 

here I am...stuck in the middle with you

 

...but there's a

 time for everything

and today

on the fourth day

 of the

government shut-down

of 2013

over healthcare

presumably

they've left me no choice

happy friday

blueprints and wood planks...

i've been up to

my eyeballs

which reminds...

 

 

...me

 i need to make

an appointment

for new glasses

but that's off topic

with blueprints

kitchen plans

wood planks

paint chips

laminate samples

shower stalls

toilets and sinks

even window details

i'd forgotten just how

time consuming

building a house can be

finding the perfect balance

of the hot new trends

with the already existing

furniture

as well as

anticipating potential

resale value

add an additional

 generation

 to the mix

and the time grows

exponentially

but then

 so do the rewards

evidenced

 by this picture

perfectly timed

by our higher power

 to be taken

on grandparent's day

 

 

the multigenerational trio

standing together

for the first time

in their new home

i would be

remiss if not mentioning

that we have been told

on numerous occasions

that both my mother and sarah

would likely not make

it through the night

due to brain injuries,

heart conditions

severe respiratory distress

 

 

and look at them now

plotting mischief

behind two by fours

feeling very grateful

tonight

on a mission...

simply the most

perfect title

for this journey...

 

 

we are on

it is a mission indeed

 it's humbling

 yet so gratifying

 to see our story

 in full color and print

especially

 in the prestigious

better homes & gardens

quilt sampler

 definitely a
dream come true

and such a wonderful

opportunity to

spread the love

as i'm quoted

in the closing paragraph

our business has never been

 about selling fabric

ever

it's about human connections

making a difference

 to others

for others

and with others

it's about being a

gathering place

for creative souls

to share

whether that be

pain and sorrow

or happiness

and triumph

or simply celebrating

down syndrome

grateful beyond words

crashed memoirs...

in a flash

of a second

my laptop...

 

just died

 one minute it's working

the next nothing

for a brief moment

i was in a panic

realizing the last

backup was several

months ago

i've been writing

often lately

as in late in the night

bearing my soul

to the black shiny dell

a surprise gift

 for my fiftieth birthday

then i remembered

the last time a computer

crashed the data was

restored

 so i decided

to pack it up

and take it in for service

last night
 the tech called

my laptop failed

the hard drive crashed

data lost

gone forever

unless i want to spend

a thousand or more

and send it off to

a data recovery source

i wanted to cry

instead

 i confirmed i would

pick it up

as i clung to the

inanimate piece

of plastic tonight

i was comforted to know

it now secretly held

some of my darkest moments

my late night rants

my seventeen chapter

memoir

the one the publisher was

interested in

until i decided it

was not ready for

publication

at least not yet

maybe never

and that's when it hit me

this system crash

just maybe

 it was meant

to be

it's time to tightly close

that chapter in my life

let it go

what is

 was meant to be

what's not
 isn't worth the worry

the future is tomorrow

a new beginning

deserving of a brand new

hard drive

just waiting for

fresh ideas

when fantasies collide

when i was younger

i thought life

was a destination...

 

 

...at some magical point

everything came together

and we lived

happily ever after

and with that illusion

i carried certain fantasies

fairy tales perhaps

 of what

the perfect life

 looked like

and then i continued

to have disappointment

pain and heartache

i felt let down

discouraged

cheated

angry even

now i am learning

that the true problem

is my fantasies

were flawed

and life is more like

a journey

i need to rearrange my

expectations

and simply appreciate

 what

i do have

to be grateful

for what's surrounding me

to love those closest

to my heart

to simply be thankful

for what is

there's beauty...

...all around us

although sometimes

we simply need...

...to pause

 for a moment

to take a breath

close our eyes

inhale

then slowly

 exhale

open our eyes

and look around

to see the beauty

the richness in our

lives

the friendships

the happiness

the joy

i've been in this church

so many times

i lead two groups of

girl scouts who met

in this church

every single monday

for nearly a decade

i can look across the street

from our quilt shop

and see this

wall of windows

yet i have

never

taken the time

to see just how

 beautiful

the stained glass

truly is

and isn't that an

irony of life

we have

so much

to be thankful for

so much

to be grateful for

so much

to cherish

and instead

we fail to see the beauty

we simply see

a wall of windows

today i shall look closer

deeper perhaps

in all i do

for the beauty

all around me

i'd like to

 express my

most sincere appreciation

to jessica love of

jessica love photography

for capturing that

which shines so brightly

and to the

amazing bride

stacy broerman

and her prince charming

adam keck

for allowing me

and our precious sarah

to be a part of their

magnificent day

wings of a friend...

it's been a rather

hard week

for many reasons...

 

 

it felt like i'd been

punched

 in the gut

more than once

life is hard

i get that

but add a child with

mental challenges

 to the mix

and it is often

 heartbreaking

not the disability itself

rather the adults

around us that should

know better

but elect to not think

or just not care

by friday i

was emotionally

about done

so i decided

we needed a break

a quiet night at the pool

before that would

happen though

i had to jump through

a few ridiculous

hoops

in the midst of the chaos

we stopped

at the construction site

where a house

 is being built

for sarah

for her grandparents

at first

i had to coax

her out of the car

but once we got

to the back of the lot

all of a sudden

her face illuminated

as she spotted

a beautiful butterfly

she perfectly announced

it was her friend

 kristen

her enthusiasm

at that moment

was contagious

to the builder

and to me

i have no doubt

kristen flew in

to bring comfort

to us all

for the rest of the day

was perfect

 in everyway

thursday thought

oh the memories

of dancing

 with the groom...

 

i see trees of green 

 red roses too 

 i see 'em bloom 

for me and for you 

and I think to myself 

what a wonderful world 

 i see skies of blue 

clouds of white 

 bright blessed days 

dark sacred nights 

 and I think to myself 

what a wonderful world 

the colors of a rainbow 

so pretty in the sky 

are also on the faces 

of people going by 

 i see friends shaking hands 

sayin' how do you do 

they're really say'in 

i love you 

 i hear babies cry 

i watch them grow 

they'll learn much more 

than i'll ever know 

 and I think to myself 

 what a wonderful world 

wonderful indeed

i'll love you always son

a new chapter...

so very proud

of my parents

as they begin...

 

 

...the next chapter

of their lives

after forty six years

in the same house

they have happily

agreed to move

into a brand new home

as a trio

with their granddaughter

by their side

the three of them

will become a unit

watching out

 for each other

caring for one another

and growing together

it's never too late

to begin

again

so grateful that

we have this opportunity

for our entire family

i think this will be

an incredible experience

for all of us

it just feels so right

moving on...

took my last

and

final look...

 

...out into the courtyard

of boulevard green today

from this third floor balcony

off the master suite

it's a beautiful view

i'll forever think fondly

 of our time spent here

so many wonderful

memories created

with our family

some very personal time too

it was absolutely

without a doubt

the best decision we

made seven years ago

a mid-life crisis

playground perhaps

today

it is time to move on

as life has it

we are now ready to

create something

new

a multi-generational

plan of care

a concept originally

 created

with the family

confirmed by our

higher power

when a buyer was sent

to us within hours

of our listing

life goes on

indeed

very grateful

celebrating...

the dads

in

my life...

wishing a happy father's day

to my wonderful dad

 also my husband
 the father

 of my children

without these two rocks

 our family

 would not be

what it is today

  they have both

 so tirelessly

unselfishlessly

 and without condition

 dedicated their lives

to sarah

her siblings

and to me

i am most grateful

thursday thought...

 

protecting the children...

before i even

got

out of bed...

.

 

...i knew

 it was going to be

one of those days

i only have one day

each week to run errands

make phone calls

visit doctors

and on this monday

my list was a mile long

with a wedding less than

 two weeks away

i had shoes to find

undergarments, hair clips

water proof make-up

as i know the tears will

be flowing freely

add to that

the stress of finding

a climate controlled

storage unit

large enough to hold

the contents of a

three level

fully furnished condo

not to mention a

moving company willing

to haul the contents

and you get the picture

oh wait i forgot

sarah and her fever

and the puke landing

in my hands

i guess that is better

than on the carpet

a fender bender

certainly was not

the added distraction i needed

yet as i think back on it

was i there for

a reason

after a few hours

 of running around

i was parched

so i pulled into

a wendy's drive thru

for a strawberry lemonade

i remember saying to myself

how adorable the four

pink and purple

bikes were parked next to the

front door

school is just now

out for the summer
and they had probably
been planning their
visit for weeks

when the car

started to back directly

into my path

there was no where

i could go

i prepared for the impact

as it was surely going

 to happen

despite my frantic

horn blowing

everyone heard the crash

but still she did not stop

instead
 she put more pressure

on the gas pedal

i could hear it

and i could hear the plastic

of my car crunching

as it was being

 pushed backwards

to the point i was afraid

of hitting the car directly

behind me

finally her car came to a halt

as i approached

 her window

i discovered it was an

 elderly woman

very disoriented and confused

so i called 911

as i was sitting there waiting

for the police

i realized the children

had come out

and had been getting

on their bikes

had my car not been sitting

where it was

she could likely have

run them over

 as they were directly

 in her path

on the other side of my car

all of a sudden my

hectic day

slowed down

to a peaceful perspective

my tiny fender bender

can be fixed

for that

i'm so very grateful

secrets...

we have not 

 been hiding

on purpose...

 just so many secrets

in this world

 of quilting

all good though

especially

when I get to spend the

entire weekend

sewing with

my sarah girlie

so grateful for that

we've had fun

and been so uber

productive

magazines

movies

surprises galore

stay tuned

the next few months

will

have lots of fun

disclosures

in the meantime

just know we are

good and busy

thursday thought...

columbus creativity...

i've been fortunate

to have an

extra corner...

.

 

...for creativity

in columbus

it was decked

in scarlet and gray

a homage to the home team

i used to come down

often

then we opened

 the quilt shop

and my time became

less free

yet so much more

 rewarding

there were signs

gentle nudges

perhaps

followed by thunder claps

 to the ears

that told us the time

 had come

to let someone else

enjoy the surroundings

i believe we were

listening

to a higher calling

for today we entered

into a contract

less then twenty four hours

on the market

divinely lead

no doubt

i'm sure

as i gather

 my sewing machine

stamps and crafts

it will be hard to say

goodbye

they're never easy

but i shall be ready

to prepare for our

next chapter

serenity, courage, wisdom

 

this side of the aquarium...

one of our

favorite easter

memories...

.

 

...is the year

our precious sarah

discovered

the easter bunny

travels in a big white limo

we've never had

the courage to tell her

that only happens

when he is visiting

sick kiddos

she was a patient that year

another respiratory crisis

followed by pnuemonia

i just happened to

be pushing her

in a wheelchair

down by the lobby when

the charming scene

unfolded

i've never forgotten

 all those times

we spent on the floor

of the cleveland clinic children's hospital

i was always so touched

by the various gifts

delivered by volunteers

that's why our delivery

of more than one hundred pillowcases

feels so extra special good

i know there are parents

who are hurting right now

because

 it is a terrible

feeling to watch

 your child suffer

in a hospital bed

those thoughts were confirmed

as we walked about yesterday

words do not need

 to be exchanged

just eye contact

is enough

followed by the slight smile

when they realize

our girl has done something

special for them

in loving memory of her

friend kristen kirton

i am so very grateful that

we have been given the

 privelege

to return to the peds floor

and be on this side

of the aquarium

our quilt healer...

this photo

is making

it's way...

.

 

...around the world

 on facebook
as part of the
"i am" campaign
by the idsc

as of this moment

it has been shared

 more than 290 times

it has over 2,300 likes

and more than

175 comments

in several languages

it's impact is far reaching

yet

the irony

of this photo
of that green dress
of that day
is this...
the last time it was posted
in cyberspace
it created a firestorm
of anger
of resentment
of a venomously hateful tirade
and it shut me down for
days, weeks even
and then
slowly
 i started
over
a new beginning
with wobbly legs
  yet just like a newborn foal
i started to stand up
for myself
for my family
for sarah
and slowly yet
very deliberately
i found new footing
on more solid ground
and soon
life took an amazing turn
one that was so
divinely lead
there were days it felt
greater than award winning fiction
i realized a path
had been created
for us
our purpose
 was taking shape
and i started to see the fruits
of our hard work
our belief in something
greater
a higher power
was confirmed
i am humbled
that our story
is making such a
difference for others
there is no irony that the
message is this
all life is precious
indeed it is

thursday thought...

it's all coming together...

just a few

 weeks ago

i wrote about...

.

 

 my fifty third birthday

and mentioned that

twenty thirteen

was going to be the year

i was so looking forward to

for the first time in

my life

i feel like i am

beginning to see

how life all

comes together

how cleansing your heart

 makes room

for so much more

and that

 believing in myself

believing in others

believing in miracles

just believing

was allowing a

 beautiful synergy

and creating an atmosphere

for humbled greatness

the first of which

 is now in print

to read more

click here