speechless...

it's not easy

for

my husband...

.

 

...to surprise me

we work together

we share

 the same bank account

the same credit card

the same schedule

not to mention

sarah

she's not so good at

keeping secrets

up until now that is

turns out

they stopped at

my favorite little art gallery

in downtown willoughby

and purchased a set

of purple troll beads

for me

before sarah's music share night

 she finally told me about it

on christmas

i was shocked

and

speechless

which made the gift

all the more special

for all of us

so grateful for

my hubby

 and family

purple bulbs...

and a festive

glittered

butterfly...

.

i had the sweetest

 delivery
it was from
matt's girlfriend
she created a little
christmas tree
just for me
with mini purple bulbs
silver stars
and a festive, glittered
butterfly
thank you jessica
so grateful to
share the holidays with you

red plaid taffeta...

on the bolt

it was just

plaid taffeta...

.

 

red and black taffeta

i'd bought it not sure

what i'd make

then i turned it into

 the bottom

half of a dress for my

sweet sarah

a bow tie

for her handsome brother

even a skirt for me

 

 

on

a sunday afternoon

the 19th of december

my family of four

walked into

the state theater

for a live performance

of the nutcracker

a plain dealer photographer

captured this pose

and soon that red plaid taffeta

became the symbolism

for christmas

nineteen ninety two

i cherish the memories

so very thankful

our girl was

healthy that day

so grateful we

spent the time

together

jesus loves the little children...

all the

children

of the world...

.

aziza caswell's beautifully heartbreaking casket decorated by her classmates

 ...red and yellow

black and white

they're all precious in his sight

jesus loves the little children

of the world

why must we bury

so many precious

innocent children

my human heart

does not understand

Jesus said, (Matthew 5:4)

"Blessed are those who mourn,

for they shall be comforted 

brave

every year

the kid in me

is so excited...

.

 

...when disney on ice

comes to town

this time i really

can't wait

i'm more excited

than a child

on christmas morning

brave

my very own princess

the wild haired

fiesty

 redhead

is going to be

 rockin' ever after

and thanks

 to my girl

she has found us seats

in the front row

can't wait

sweet warrior princess...

it's been

a hard day

a sad day...

.

...an unexplainable day

the world has lost

another precious

sweet child

so much like our sarah

born with down syndrome

so many of the same

health concerns

tracheal stenosis

a fragile respiratory system

heart and lung defects

but

a fighter

a warrior

a survivor

until today

when infection set in

just too much for her little body

my heart breaks in two

thinking of her dear

mama

and her teenage sister

the rest of her family

broken

crushed

and empty

hug your children today

in loving memory

of aziza

i am the tears of joy...

i had a large

envelope waiting

for me today...

.

 

...it's arrival

i do believe

has been planned

for a really long time

nearly fifty three years perhaps

i really do believe

 everything

i see here in print

yes

i do deserve

all that my heart

desires

i really do

it's taken many years

to pull back the layers

to stop

 listening to the haters

to the critics

i allowed to run

and nearly ruin

my life

to self acknowledge

that i am not

 perfect

but that is ok

i am still worthy

and loved

it has taken courage

 to see a note from a friend

and believe it

really believe it

i am the tears of joy

i am

and with that

 i am able to move on

to see that there is something

so powerful

and great

in getting to a place of

forgiveness

i can now hear...

 

 

...my own heart sing

for all the right reasons

yes sweet one

you are loved

thank you stephanie

for coming into my life

at just the exact moment

when i needed

you

you too friend

are loved

dreaming of beautiful family memories...

we had a

whirlwind

of a weekend...

.

 

i was wondering just

what to write about

how to approach the subject

then today i was cutting

 these labels

from a fabric collection

 by cosmo cricket

and they just spoke to me

a few years ago

i was dreaming large

i had a fantasy

only that vision

 crashed and burned

working through pain and reflecting

i became accutely aware

it was just that

 a fantasy

and what i needed to do

was get to a place of forgiveness

then live my life

 day by day

being ever so thankful

for what i did have

grateful for the simple

things in life

to take in the beauty of it all

and i needed to embrace

my husband

my own sons and daughter

hug and love them

everyday

because we are family

and i needed to create

 new dreams

outloud

and

establish new fantasies

with those who

i love

and who love me

so this weekend

we all arrived

at different times

into the same place

we slept in beds

we inflated air mattresses

we cheered at a football game

we dined as

a family

we invited friends

 to join us

we were making memories

our own beautiful times

as we are family

thanksgiving gratitude...

there are so very many

things to be grateful

for this time of year...

.

 

for one

the friendships

i have developed

with some amazing artists

the newest is

stephanie ryan

please visit her blog

and website

her watercolor talents

are pure joy for the eyes

sign up for her

small sweet steps of

inspiration

they are pure joy for the heart

such a great

way to start your morning

today she shares

this...

 Gratitude is the key to abundance! 

 The more grateful you are 

 and the more you sing it 

   from your heart,

 the more beautiful abundance 

 will float into your life.

Think happy, sweet 

  thoughts of gratitude 

 this Thanksgiving 

 and everyday of the year  

the mason jar...

i had the privilege

of spending

an entire weekend...

.

 

with my youngest son

at a soccer showcase

in xenia, ohio

it's an event designed

for college coaches to

observe potential players

that in itself

seems nearly impossible

how he can be sixteen

already is mind numbing

time is flying by

much. too. fast

in the middle of the

afternoon

i let him have the room

 to himself

wink, wink...

 

...and i took off in pursuit

of nearby quilt shops

 discovered three in a short radius

i just knew as soon as i

pulled in the parking lot

this would be a good one

the mason jar quilt shoppe

located in beavercreek, ohio

a suburb of the dayton area

quite close to wright state university

and the air force base

charming in every way

the owner, michele mason

love her play on words

has created an inspiring

 and relaxing venue

full of antiques

 and reproduction fabric

i've definately decided when

it comes to quilt shops

bigger is not always better

same thing holds true

 for soccer players

i've observed

as we were driving home

late last night

my son said to me

he really enjoyed

 our time together

me too matt

me too

we might just have to plan

another little excursion

especially now that we have

katrina and kelsey

ready and willing to hold down

the shop for the day

so very grateful

for all

 that has come my way

thursday thought...

.

 

thank you houston

fabric + fun + friendship...

that's what quilt market...

.

 

is really all about

and houston

 did not disappoint

on one single thing

for me personally

it is also

 a warm and friendly

environment

where i can take sarah

 i so appreciate that

we had such an

amazing time

we reconnected with

good friends

met new ones too

viewed lots of new fabric

hooked up with

a former neighbor

sarah rode a bull

even learned a few line dances

we ate some great meals...

 

then we spontaneously

extended our stay

a few extra days

because of hurricane sandy

we went to a bar

where sarah got carded

and then proceeded to order

a glass of milk

we smiled and laughed

a lot

we toured the city

with map, feet and transport chair

we ate lunch in a park

fed a few homeless gals

with the extra bags of food

 we purposely bought

we looked at some really

 old houses...

 

 

we met a lovely couple

 from boston

also stranded in texas

they took this picture

right before

 we discovered a tree

planted for jane ellen

we rode a train through

a tunnel full of sharks

we met a mom and her son

in the gift shop

he too had a transport chair

and a trach

and down syndrome

we chatted for a long time

sarah's story

 gave her such hope

then we saw the biggest snake

 ever

which freaked us out

big time

and i mean BIG time

body shaking

hysterical screaming

trembling limb freak out

then magically a hidden door
opened

and a handsome young man

came to our rescue

he spoke little english

but saw the fright

on my girl's face

and quickly took us out an

emergency exit

and that's when i recognized

the rescheduled flight

sarah demanding

to hit the aquarium

very late tuesday night

it was all designed

 to be a chapter

of this journey we are on

we help others

so we in turn can

trust another to help us

i am so very, very

 grateful

i am traveling down

this wonderfully, winding road

flying...

there are a few

select words

i wanted to...

.

 

put next to

 the title of this post

but then i did not want to

ruffle any feathers with

the faa

 as i have been told

they do not seem to have

 a sense of humor

you already know they

took away our right

to have

a tiny little pair of sewing

scissors

on any flight

not to worry

stitchers are a clever bunch

and soon we discovered

a dental floss container

would work just fine

to cut the thread

alas i had a very productive

flight down to houston

these little paper pieces

take me back to

 my very beginning

days of quilting

so happy to see them

surface once again

the fabric

cuzco by kate spain

domino...

i never know

for sure

which schnibble...

.

 

will end up with

which charm pack

but i am really loving

domino

by carrie nelson

of miss rosie's quilt co

paired with

birds & berries

by lauren + jessi jung

lovely quilting

by diane wantz

of longarm legacies

domino will be hanging
 in the shop

along with the pattern
 and charm packs

for purchase
and now
onto my next
schnibble

justsew to tellsew...

a tiny little thing

perhaps

or maybe not...

.

 

i rarely go to bed

before checking

on my friend polly

i love her family so much

her kristen has been

the force behind

so much of what

 sarah and i have created

tonight

as i read how her sweet

daughter kim

had taken kristen's coat to the hospital

to wrap up in while she labored

in the birthing room

i could not help but think

that kristen was there

making sure everything

was just perfect

for the delivery of her little niece nora

and so i left a comment

to let polly know that i

truly believe that kristen was there

as i hit the enter tab

my security word was

tellsew

that is just what we do

we tell people about kristen while we sew

and last week

sarah all of a sudden decided

our new car should have

a special license plate

that reads

justsew

because that is what we do

just sew to tell others about

kristen and her light

that always shines

thursday thought...

.

little boy blue...

he came to see me

all dressed up

my little boy...

.

heading to homecoming

so handsome

so sweet
so loving
 i am so very blessed
and grateful

quilt shop needs you...

have you ever

dreamed of

working...

.

...in a quilt shop

if so

we are looking for a few

creative souls

to join our team

experience is not necessary

as much as

being trustworthy

smiling a lot

being friendly

and having a

love for fabric

we need coverage

for daytime hours

as well as

wednesday and thursday evenings

all day saturday

and possibly an occasional

 off site quilt show or two

if interested email me

at jhillely@gmail.com

dream a little...

dream

and it just might come

true...

.

this is happening

today

in the sewcial lounge

the one named after

my girl

in our store

the one bearing

 my creative name

in memory of

polly's sweet gal

two moms

on different journeys

working together

for one mission

to carry forth kristen's light

for all the world to see

truly humbled and honored

that we have been chosen

to help with that endeavor

even more grateful that

jennifer has lead

the way with her pillow case mission

and that she is coming

to share in our

little corner

of the earth

update...

.

 

an amazing day

we had

a total of 219 pillowcases

were completed

lots of friendships

were developed

and new skills shared

with many

more than a dream come true

thank you to all who participated

a miracle indeed...

just about this time

four years ago

life started to take...

.

 

a twist and a turn

sarah's health was failing

quickly

right before our eyes

i recently came across this pic

and posted it on facebook

 with the following caption...

 

Do you believe in miracles? I'm currently uploading photo cards from prior years. This pic just caught me by surprise. It was taken about three months after I left my job in 2009 to care for Sarah fulltime. Her doctor suggested it was time to write a dx of COPD and bring in hospice, as there was nothing more they could do for her. Looking at her tiny frail body, I can almost see why. I am so thankful I was given the courage and strength to not give up on her. Thankful too that my hubby was able to step up his business so we could continue to pay the bills. To-date, we have been hospital free now for 3 1/2 years-the longest stretch in Sarah's 23 years of life.

 

the seventy two likes

and many comments

took my breath away

it seems our girl

is an inspiration

to many

it's a good reminder to me

to follow the lead

of our creator

the path that is ours

has been masterfully

orchestrated

and i know now

more than ever

we are where

we are supposed to be

thursday thought...

flight of a bumble bee...

there is a certain

undefinable

excitement i feel...

.

...when the first signs

of autumn appear

the days are still filled

with sunshine

although there

is a slight chill

 in the air

i spent the afternoon

walking

down a trail

enjoying

the changing elements

of nature

while my youngest son

crouched and ducked

in the woods

with his friends

dodging

 paintball pellets

i closely followed

the flight

of this bumble bee

as it would forage about

 from flower

 to purple plower

in search of nectar and pollen

i suppose

the more i observed

i was reminded

how fast paced our life

can be

if only i would take

more moments

to simply watch

 and observe

the more grateful

 i would be

for the amazement

yet complexity

of our creator's plan

 it is all around us

even

in the flight

of the bumble bee

thursday thought

gifts...

when an ultrasound

suggested

our third child...

.

 

...was likely a boy

our oldest son

asked to name him

a scary proposition

as one of my friends

had also just been through this

and her son's choice

for his soon to be little brother

was alfalfa

still i trusted

 the wisdom of our

eight year old

he chose matthew richard

the middle name i understood

 completely

it was after my father

the first name

came out of nowhere

so i looked up the meaning

gift of god

is what i found

sounded logical

as i believe all children

are gifts

today i had the pleasure of

spending the entire afternoon

with the now teenager

we shopped

for shirts and ties and suits

we dined at panera

his suggestion

we drove around

with him at the wheel

we talked

we reminisced

we connected

it hasn't always been like this

there were days

in the early years that

i would truthfully have

entertained returning

the gift

he was challenging

full of spit and fire

and then one day i recognized

it was partly my fault

he did not have my

entire heart

it was intertwined in anger

full of self doubt

it was living in a state

of denial

i was too concerned about

my fantasy of what

i thought life should be

rather than living

in the here and now

i had to first love myself

before i could expect him to

i had to get rid of the

negative energy swirling

around our life

i worked hard at that

thankfully

i openly shared my journey with

my husband

and found he too had arrived

at the same place

at about the same time

we worked together

as a team

as a couple

each time we plateaued

 divine intervention

would take over

threatening phone calls

came into our lives

at just the right time

untruthful letters arrived

that made us start over

just as we thought

conclusions had been reached

a nasty email was opened

which made us dig even deeper

and with

each mile of the journey

each step of the way

it was matthew

who grew right beside us

as our hearts became whole

so too did his

as positive energy

replaced the negative

so too did his

behavior change

as our souls became

spiritually driven

so too did his

i recognized today

as i held his hand

as i looked into his eyes

as i watched him interact

with those around him

that he truly is a

gift from god

i am grateful beyond words

for his patience

for his love

for giving me an even greater gift

that of forgiveness

for it is that which

truly opens your heart

to the possibilities of living

he makes house calls...

imagine this

a doctor

who still...

.

...comes to the house

sure hope he can

diagnose

and patch up our

wounded johns

seriously

steve jerome

a fourth generation plumber

in mayfield hts

came highly recommended

by a fellow quilter

i trust my stitchy friends

so we brought him in

honest beyond belief

clean and efficient

job well done

we're back in flushing order

now about that

leaking skylight...

thursday thought...

making progress...

and it

feels

so good...

.

 

...absolutely love

 the moment

when you turn it over

and see all 

four quadrants

stitched together

seams lined up

colors working

squared to perfection

ready now

 to tackle

the miniature white border

and the pieced

outer border

oh fiddlesticks...

not entirely sure

where

that expression...

.

 

...came from

but it seems most appropriate

for the exact moment

when you

think you are done

and

ready for the next step

only to realize

you've made a mistake

and a few seams

will need

to come out

birds & berries...

today was

one of

those days...

.

 

...that my mind and body

were craving

the motion of sitting

 at the machine

with the motor humming

it's a peaceful

and relaxing position

started a new

 project today

another schnibble

using birds & berries

the newest

by lauren + jessi jung

a mother/daughter team

i seem to be partial to those

types of duos

the beautiful future...

i believe

the children

are our future...

.

adam, maria, julie & tj

...teach them well 

 and let them lead the way 
show them all the beauty 

 they possess inside 
give them a sense of pride 

 to make it easier... 

thoughtful lyrics by the

late whitney houston

play over in my mind

as i had the privilege

 of spending

the weekend with these

four amazing and delightful

human beings

they are our future

male cousins by blood

friends for life

with their soul mates

divinely and spiritually driven

to make a difference

moving forward with the best

of intentions

with the love and support of

their families

so very grateful
to be able to share
in their lives

thursday thought...

.

rum raisin

i've been

waiting for this

moment...

.

 

...for more than a month

 i just walked into my

sewing studio

 and felt a slight draft

so i reached for it

the box marked

rum raisin

and very slowly

dipped

my chilly size ten toes

into the soft

sheepskin lining

of my new classic short

 uggs

they likely will never see

 snow or ice

nor will i ever likely see their

australian home

 we are bound to be

 best friends though

i discovered last year

they make the most

amazing house slippers

and of course

as soon as i saw this new

color

i knew it was meant to be

ahhh

my feet thank me

now i wonder what else

i can find in the house

bearing the words

rum or raisin

thursday thought...

.

dreams do come true...

we just wrapped

up our sweet

treat extravaganza...

.

...at jellen's house of fabric

to celebrate our

second anniversary

i still pinch myself

almost daily

we are having so much fun

and

at the same time

making a difference

we had

cameras in the store again

this time for a book

being written to illustrate

all the things that

 persons with down syndrome

can accomplish

such as...

...sewing on a machine

it's simply amazing to me

to look at this picture

and visually see

just where we have come

all because i was born

with a love of fabric

so very grateful

for that