Sunday, September 16, 2012


when an ultrasound
our third child...
...was likely a boy
our oldest son
asked to name him
a scary proposition
as one of my friends
had also just been through this
and her son's choice
for his soon to be little brother
was alfalfa
still i trusted
 the wisdom of our
eight year old
he chose matthew richard
the middle name i understood
it was after my father
the first name
came out of nowhere
so i looked up the meaning
gift of god
is what i found
sounded logical
as i believe all children
are gifts
today i had the pleasure of
spending the entire afternoon
with the now teenager
we shopped
for shirts and ties and suits
we dined at panera
his suggestion
we drove around
with him at the wheel
we talked
we reminisced
we connected
it hasn't always been like this
there were days
in the early years that
i would truthfully have
entertained returning
the gift
he was challenging
full of spit and fire
and then one day i recognized
it was partly my fault
he did not have my
entire heart
it was intertwined in anger
full of self doubt
it was living in a state
of denial
i was too concerned about
my fantasy of what
i thought life should be
rather than living
in the here and now
i had to first love myself
before i could expect him to
i had to get rid of the
negative energy swirling
around our life
i worked hard at that
i openly shared my journey with
my husband
and found he too had arrived
at the same place
at about the same time
we worked together
as a team
as a couple
each time we plateaued
 divine intervention
would take over
threatening phone calls
came into our lives
at just the right time
untruthful letters arrived
that made us start over
just as we thought
conclusions had been reached
a nasty email was opened
which made us dig even deeper
and with
each mile of the journey
each step of the way
it was matthew
who grew right beside us
as our hearts became whole
so too did his
as positive energy
replaced the negative
so too did his
behavior change
as our souls became
spiritually driven
so too did his
i recognized today
as i held his hand
as i looked into his eyes
as i watched him interact
with those around him
that he truly is a
gift from god
i am grateful beyond words
for his patience
for his love
for giving me an even greater gift
that of forgiveness
for it is that which
truly opens your heart
to the possibilities of living

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