gifts...

when an ultrasound

suggested

our third child...

.

 

...was likely a boy

our oldest son

asked to name him

a scary proposition

as one of my friends

had also just been through this

and her son's choice

for his soon to be little brother

was alfalfa

still i trusted

 the wisdom of our

eight year old

he chose matthew richard

the middle name i understood

 completely

it was after my father

the first name

came out of nowhere

so i looked up the meaning

gift of god

is what i found

sounded logical

as i believe all children

are gifts

today i had the pleasure of

spending the entire afternoon

with the now teenager

we shopped

for shirts and ties and suits

we dined at panera

his suggestion

we drove around

with him at the wheel

we talked

we reminisced

we connected

it hasn't always been like this

there were days

in the early years that

i would truthfully have

entertained returning

the gift

he was challenging

full of spit and fire

and then one day i recognized

it was partly my fault

he did not have my

entire heart

it was intertwined in anger

full of self doubt

it was living in a state

of denial

i was too concerned about

my fantasy of what

i thought life should be

rather than living

in the here and now

i had to first love myself

before i could expect him to

i had to get rid of the

negative energy swirling

around our life

i worked hard at that

thankfully

i openly shared my journey with

my husband

and found he too had arrived

at the same place

at about the same time

we worked together

as a team

as a couple

each time we plateaued

 divine intervention

would take over

threatening phone calls

came into our lives

at just the right time

untruthful letters arrived

that made us start over

just as we thought

conclusions had been reached

a nasty email was opened

which made us dig even deeper

and with

each mile of the journey

each step of the way

it was matthew

who grew right beside us

as our hearts became whole

so too did his

as positive energy

replaced the negative

so too did his

behavior change

as our souls became

spiritually driven

so too did his

i recognized today

as i held his hand

as i looked into his eyes

as i watched him interact

with those around him

that he truly is a

gift from god

i am grateful beyond words

for his patience

for his love

for giving me an even greater gift

that of forgiveness

for it is that which

truly opens your heart

to the possibilities of living