another year...

older...yes

wiser

i hope so...

my girl and i

made our annual

trek down to the q

for disney on ice

i watched

her closely

she demonstrates

such enthusiasm

the minute the big

eared mices

skate through the curtain

even though she's

seen them a

bazillion times

and i marvel

at that

i want to live

like sarah

just simply

enjoy

each and every

moment

that's what i wish

for this fifty fourth year

of mine

to simply enjoy

everything

all the little

moments

all we really need...

i recently wrote

a note

to someone...
 

who had been

quick to judge me

and
 turn me into

a villain

my sentiment was

 simply this

i really
 could not understand

the position that

had been taken

when all we

(my husband and i)

needed

was love

i have been trying to

articulate

for some time

a message

and

this week

a friend of mine

said for me in just

a few words

what i've been trying to

for years

using fear, guilt 

shaming and negativity 

does not build love 

trust 

or a feeling of safety 

just supposing

 the call had instead

been about love

just love

the outcome would

have been

 so much

different

today i vow

to spread some love

forgiveness

followed by love

for that is all we

really need

a broken heart...

this is not

the christmas

post i had

 

planned

nor did i expect

my holiday eves

to be filled

with sorrow

followed by

eye opening

 and jaw dropping

statistics

learned from hours of research

this precious baby

girl

the granddaughter

of a woman

i worked with years ago

our sons hanging out

together when we

needed to take them

with us

is celebrating her

first christmas

without her daddy

he died

a few nights ago

just days after

this gorgeous photo

was taken

addiction

it is real

it is frightening

and it is

a very huge problem

in our community

this beautiful blue eyed

princess

is not the only

daughter waking up

fatherless

 this christmas morn

in a very short

amount of time

i've learned of

several

young men

that i have known

good decent families

with one thing

in common

heroin

we need to wake up

reach out

stop being in denial

before it is to late

our prayers

go out to the women

who are now

 alone

as they try to cope

with an empty

bed

a broken heart

and a story

they will one

day have to share

with their

children

to the families

who are heartbroken

have guilt

are asking

 why

they could not do more

how do we help

we must stop

what so many

 police departments are

declaring an

 epidemic

we must

it is killing

too many

snowy splendor

there's just

something

about a...

...freshly fallen snow

that brings peace

to my existence

and when it

happens

at just the right

time

late in the quiet
of evening

in front of

a window full

of kate spain

christmas quilts

my heart

becomes full

of holiday spirit

forward with hope...

life has a way

of throwing

roadblocks...

in our path

sometimes

they are tiny pebbles

sometimes boulders

often people

 the necessary part

of living

and growing

and learning

is knowing that

no matter what

one must

keep moving

forward

with hope

for a brighter

tomorrow

the haters are going

to hate

the bullies are going

to bully

the jealous types

are going to

try to cut your legs

out from under you

the insecure ones

are going to

create drama

still

keep moving forward

with hope

just believe
in yourself

nature's beauty

i've had the

privilege

of staring...

at this richness

in our front yard 

for the past week

i'm afraid today

she'll be gone

as the winter winds

are blowing in

 across the lake

her beauty i

am thankful to have

captured

for remembrance

throughout the cold

snowy days

her glory shall return

next year

mother nature is kind

that way

healing threads

for three years now

we have been

stitching for others...

 

 

in beautiful happy colors

our mission is

simple

to help others

feel better

to let others know

we care

it's a simple gesture

that allows our

sarah to create

then share her talents

this week

for the first time

in more than four years

she herself

has been in the hospital

double pneumonia

last night

 at the suggestion

of a customer

i brought her a pillowcase

and a quilt

this morning as the room

became chilly

following a power outage

due to a massive

ice storm

i witnessed first

hand

what a difference

it can make

as she slept so

peacefully

the first time

in more than a week

miracles in the clouds...

days like this

remind me

although i want...

 

to think i'm

in charge

i'm really not

 we indeed arrived in

 new orleans last night

but by four this morning

i knew sarah

was in trouble

 so we called for a taxi

 and headed back

to the airport

 for the first flight

to ohio

the taxi driver

no doubt

divinely sent

 midway through

somewhere over the midwest

it was apparent

her airway

was collapsing

 so i asked

 the flight attendant

for a small tank of oxygen

 instead

 i got multiple emt's
quickly responding
 to her plea
for help

 they were heading to a

first responders

 convention

in south bend

the one who stepped up first

a gentle giant of a man

sarah adored him

the admiration

quickly became mutual

then we landed

to see out our window

three firetrucks

 and two ambulances

 at the gate

as the doors

 of the plane flew open

chicago's finest

 dressed in blue

raced in

to scoop up my girl

 and in the process

we educated

 an entire plane
 full of strangers

who cheered, clapped

threw praises

and blessings our way

feeling very grateful

that we safely arrived home

and thankful for the

strength that

comes over me in times

like this

so sorry to have missed the

wedding

and the quilt shops

we had planned

to visit during our stay

we'll have to make

a return visit

one day soon

especially to thank

tommie walters

of baton rouge

our hero on flight 1792

a grateful crash

i went to

the body shop

today...

 

 

to clean out

the boy's car

as the

insurance company

 has declared

it a total loss

not surprising as

it was more

than a decade old

i started with

the center console

then the glove box

scooped up the

two soccer balls

the empty energy drink cans

before moving

to the back hatch

as i gathered

a single lose sock

my eyes welled

with tears

my heart became soft

realizing there

are parents

who would cling to

this stinky sock

as a remembrance

of a last game played

the scent of their athlete gone

they would carry

this box full of stuff

home to an

 empty bedroom

i said a little prayer

in that parking lot

feeling very grateful

for second chances

this evening

true story...

i don't believe I've ever

gotten

political on this blog...

 

here I am...stuck in the middle with you

 

...but there's a

 time for everything

and today

on the fourth day

 of the

government shut-down

of 2013

over healthcare

presumably

they've left me no choice

happy friday

blueprints and wood planks...

i've been up to

my eyeballs

which reminds...

 

 

...me

 i need to make

an appointment

for new glasses

but that's off topic

with blueprints

kitchen plans

wood planks

paint chips

laminate samples

shower stalls

toilets and sinks

even window details

i'd forgotten just how

time consuming

building a house can be

finding the perfect balance

of the hot new trends

with the already existing

furniture

as well as

anticipating potential

resale value

add an additional

 generation

 to the mix

and the time grows

exponentially

but then

 so do the rewards

evidenced

 by this picture

perfectly timed

by our higher power

 to be taken

on grandparent's day

 

 

the multigenerational trio

standing together

for the first time

in their new home

i would be

remiss if not mentioning

that we have been told

on numerous occasions

that both my mother and sarah

would likely not make

it through the night

due to brain injuries,

heart conditions

severe respiratory distress

 

 

and look at them now

plotting mischief

behind two by fours

feeling very grateful

tonight

on a mission...

simply the most

perfect title

for this journey...

 

 

we are on

it is a mission indeed

 it's humbling

 yet so gratifying

 to see our story

 in full color and print

especially

 in the prestigious

better homes & gardens

quilt sampler

 definitely a
dream come true

and such a wonderful

opportunity to

spread the love

as i'm quoted

in the closing paragraph

our business has never been

 about selling fabric

ever

it's about human connections

making a difference

 to others

for others

and with others

it's about being a

gathering place

for creative souls

to share

whether that be

pain and sorrow

or happiness

and triumph

or simply celebrating

down syndrome

grateful beyond words

crashed memoirs...

in a flash

of a second

my laptop...

 

just died

 one minute it's working

the next nothing

for a brief moment

i was in a panic

realizing the last

backup was several

months ago

i've been writing

often lately

as in late in the night

bearing my soul

to the black shiny dell

a surprise gift

 for my fiftieth birthday

then i remembered

the last time a computer

crashed the data was

restored

 so i decided

to pack it up

and take it in for service

last night
 the tech called

my laptop failed

the hard drive crashed

data lost

gone forever

unless i want to spend

a thousand or more

and send it off to

a data recovery source

i wanted to cry

instead

 i confirmed i would

pick it up

as i clung to the

inanimate piece

of plastic tonight

i was comforted to know

it now secretly held

some of my darkest moments

my late night rants

my seventeen chapter

memoir

the one the publisher was

interested in

until i decided it

was not ready for

publication

at least not yet

maybe never

and that's when it hit me

this system crash

just maybe

 it was meant

to be

it's time to tightly close

that chapter in my life

let it go

what is

 was meant to be

what's not
 isn't worth the worry

the future is tomorrow

a new beginning

deserving of a brand new

hard drive

just waiting for

fresh ideas

when fantasies collide

when i was younger

i thought life

was a destination...

 

 

...at some magical point

everything came together

and we lived

happily ever after

and with that illusion

i carried certain fantasies

fairy tales perhaps

 of what

the perfect life

 looked like

and then i continued

to have disappointment

pain and heartache

i felt let down

discouraged

cheated

angry even

now i am learning

that the true problem

is my fantasies

were flawed

and life is more like

a journey

i need to rearrange my

expectations

and simply appreciate

 what

i do have

to be grateful

for what's surrounding me

to love those closest

to my heart

to simply be thankful

for what is

there's beauty...

...all around us

although sometimes

we simply need...

...to pause

 for a moment

to take a breath

close our eyes

inhale

then slowly

 exhale

open our eyes

and look around

to see the beauty

the richness in our

lives

the friendships

the happiness

the joy

i've been in this church

so many times

i lead two groups of

girl scouts who met

in this church

every single monday

for nearly a decade

i can look across the street

from our quilt shop

and see this

wall of windows

yet i have

never

taken the time

to see just how

 beautiful

the stained glass

truly is

and isn't that an

irony of life

we have

so much

to be thankful for

so much

to be grateful for

so much

to cherish

and instead

we fail to see the beauty

we simply see

a wall of windows

today i shall look closer

deeper perhaps

in all i do

for the beauty

all around me

i'd like to

 express my

most sincere appreciation

to jessica love of

jessica love photography

for capturing that

which shines so brightly

and to the

amazing bride

stacy broerman

and her prince charming

adam keck

for allowing me

and our precious sarah

to be a part of their

magnificent day