crashed memoirs...

in a flash

of a second

my laptop...

 

just died

 one minute it's working

the next nothing

for a brief moment

i was in a panic

realizing the last

backup was several

months ago

i've been writing

often lately

as in late in the night

bearing my soul

to the black shiny dell

a surprise gift

 for my fiftieth birthday

then i remembered

the last time a computer

crashed the data was

restored

 so i decided

to pack it up

and take it in for service

last night
 the tech called

my laptop failed

the hard drive crashed

data lost

gone forever

unless i want to spend

a thousand or more

and send it off to

a data recovery source

i wanted to cry

instead

 i confirmed i would

pick it up

as i clung to the

inanimate piece

of plastic tonight

i was comforted to know

it now secretly held

some of my darkest moments

my late night rants

my seventeen chapter

memoir

the one the publisher was

interested in

until i decided it

was not ready for

publication

at least not yet

maybe never

and that's when it hit me

this system crash

just maybe

 it was meant

to be

it's time to tightly close

that chapter in my life

let it go

what is

 was meant to be

what's not
 isn't worth the worry

the future is tomorrow

a new beginning

deserving of a brand new

hard drive

just waiting for

fresh ideas

when fantasies collide

when i was younger

i thought life

was a destination...

 

 

...at some magical point

everything came together

and we lived

happily ever after

and with that illusion

i carried certain fantasies

fairy tales perhaps

 of what

the perfect life

 looked like

and then i continued

to have disappointment

pain and heartache

i felt let down

discouraged

cheated

angry even

now i am learning

that the true problem

is my fantasies

were flawed

and life is more like

a journey

i need to rearrange my

expectations

and simply appreciate

 what

i do have

to be grateful

for what's surrounding me

to love those closest

to my heart

to simply be thankful

for what is

there's beauty...

...all around us

although sometimes

we simply need...

...to pause

 for a moment

to take a breath

close our eyes

inhale

then slowly

 exhale

open our eyes

and look around

to see the beauty

the richness in our

lives

the friendships

the happiness

the joy

i've been in this church

so many times

i lead two groups of

girl scouts who met

in this church

every single monday

for nearly a decade

i can look across the street

from our quilt shop

and see this

wall of windows

yet i have

never

taken the time

to see just how

 beautiful

the stained glass

truly is

and isn't that an

irony of life

we have

so much

to be thankful for

so much

to be grateful for

so much

to cherish

and instead

we fail to see the beauty

we simply see

a wall of windows

today i shall look closer

deeper perhaps

in all i do

for the beauty

all around me

i'd like to

 express my

most sincere appreciation

to jessica love of

jessica love photography

for capturing that

which shines so brightly

and to the

amazing bride

stacy broerman

and her prince charming

adam keck

for allowing me

and our precious sarah

to be a part of their

magnificent day