the answers...

...were here all along

in the bottom

drawer of the big...

.

green file cabinet

tucked in the furthest

corner of the basement

the timing of the need

to replace the furnace

requiring moving

  the file drawers

could not have been

more perfect

the last piece of closure

to the pain

 of the past twenty five years

as i poured through the folders

i found things i had

never seen before

or at least don't remember

maybe that was intentional
my high school diploma
from the real glenoak

my graduate school transcripts

from ohio state

the awards i received

the leadership positions i held
job descriptions

my husband's college diplomas

a rebuttal to his first professional

performance review

my dissolution papers

our apartment lease

my acceptance letter to law school

the condo mortgage and deed

ahh the wedding file

which held lists and lists
not one including shari

and more lists

there were more revisions

than the white house

 has for state dinners i'm sure

in the end

most were not invited

it was a small event

not what i envisioned

 but it was easier that way

hindsight being double twenty

pause

this is where

 the recovery begins

or rather ends

i would have taken back the night

not let it nearly destroy us

rather run

sprint for a destination

the rockies, the desert, the beach

but then again

maybe it was all it

 was suppose to be

perhaps it played out

exactly as it was planned

preparing us for what

was to come

there are parts of the drama

that have not changed

not in twenty five plus years

yet the commitment

the love

have endured

bonded beyond measure

and that strength

was developing

from those first months

of that time so

many years ago

life is too short

to wallow in misery

i've read everything

in the file drawer

shredded the things

i'll never need again

never want to see again

i know the past year

 or so has been

 truly the happiest

of my life

in just a few hours

i am taking back the night

i am about to

 marry the man

 of my dreams

all over again

this time
there are no lists

no drama

no dress, no flowers, no dinner

just a man

and a woman

recommitting to love and to cherish

till death do us part