a different kind of mother's day...

i've learned over

the years

that life is full...

.

...of unpredictable moments

your day to day

existence

can be humming along

and then

out of nowhere a

situation presents

that hits you

upside the head

 like a two by four

as i sat across

the table

from my son and his wife

the words stung

like alcohol to

a freshly opened wound

my tears feel freely

not just for me

but for my mother

it took me back

to a place
earlier in my life

where i too

said many unkind things

and for the first time

i was sitting in her seat

i read once

that every child

grows to hate their mother

and you will know when they

have matured

by the day

they learn to accept and love

her for who she is

no longer will you see

her short comings

rather you will

appreciate her care

her support

her love

for me

it took a while

to almost fifty five really

the greatest blessing

now

is the opportunity

 to observe my momma

with my princess of a girl

the two have become

best buds

for that i am most grateful

as i recognize

not every adult child

is given this

second chance

with their

mother still on earth
yet we know
those days are coming to a close
soon
my mother is dying
she has terminal cancer
it is slowly yet
surely taking away her
health
her good days
are becoming less and less
what would i change
not a thing i suppose
for our trials and triumphs
have shaped me into
who i am today
a very grateful daughter
who has the ability to
turn the bad into the good
the pain into a
promise
for a better tomorrow
no doubt
sad
yet brutifully abundant
with rich blessings
motherhood i've learned
is a journey
not a sprint
rather more like a
 marathon
that has not yet been run
because
we're always
in training

the early years...

i've been

living 

in a funk...

lately

just not sure

of anything

anymore

life has a way

of waking you

up

every now

and then

just when

the days seem

to be coming together

bam

out of the blue

comes a

situation

that takes you by

complete

surprise

renders you

clueless, shocked

disappointed

and heartbroken

then just as

you dry the last

of the tears

a small treasure

appears

a memento from

years past

that brings

a smile back to

your face

puts a glimmer

of happiness

back into your day

just enough

to recognize

that

those early years

are there

forever

treasure

the memories

and know

they are yours

to keep

no matter what

one quarter of a century...

that's how long

i have had the

privilege of...

.

 

...mothering this sweet child

he was my first born

it was a new experience

i rocked the job

in the beginning

maybe even

 thru the toddler years

once he reached school

i simply repeated

 behaviors

i had observed

behaviors

i had been taught

and that's when my skills

started not being

so great

i look back now

with tears flowing down

 my cheeks

i should have

wrapped my arms

around him more

and simply held him

i should have

just allowed him to be

to share what he wanted

to share

and shut up

i should have worried less

about what others thought

i should have learned that

as a mother

you put your own needs

behind his

i should have accepted

his choices

without criticism

and when i failed at that

i should have learned

to apologize

i should have told him

i love him

every single day

i know this

because

 that's what

i'm yearning for

for me

the child within me

it's not too late

i'm still alive

and thankfully he's still

 beside me

new traditions...

this little blog

of mine

has morphed into...

.

a personal diary of sorts

a place to write

my thoughts

in addition to

sharing creativity

it is also preserving

memories

in an electronic format

and this pic is one

i never wish to loose

julie and tj

how i love these two

they have been

 growing up before our eyes

for several years actually

high school sweethearts

college comrades

and now

apartment dwellers

establishing

 new holiday traditions

of their own

it's a marvelous sight

for this momma's eyes

and heart

the best kind of christmas gift

my two sons...

fiveteen years ago today...

i was blessed

with the miracle

of a second son
two boys
i wasn't sure i was ready
 or worthy
of such a responsibility
jeepers have i made
 some mistakes
said a few unkind words
held an unrealistic
expectation or two
today i know this though
i would give
 the sun
the moon
 and the stars
for these
two divine creatures
two amazing young men
as different as night and day
yet both perfect
just the way they are
motherhood
i've come to realize
is the greatest of all blessings
full of challenge
wonderment and intrigue
i've also come to learn
there a few times that only an
i'm sorry
 followed by
please forgive me
will do
each year they grow
so do i
and i hope to
be granted the gift of
continual learning
 which will allow me to
share in their
splendor
for many years to come
happy birthday matt
i love you

man creations

it's the first

day of school

for the youngest

.

...which means the

obligatory photo

 in front of the house

must be taken

the oldest just happened

to be walking by

so i pulled him in too

as i was uploading

the pictures

it hit me

with a little surprise

those are my guys standing there

two handsome men

the greatest of creations

time sure does fly by

yet the rewards just

get better each and every day

i am one lucky mom

so proud

and so very grateful