speechless...

it's not easy

for

my husband...

.

 

...to surprise me

we work together

we share

 the same bank account

the same credit card

the same schedule

not to mention

sarah

she's not so good at

keeping secrets

up until now that is

turns out

they stopped at

my favorite little art gallery

in downtown willoughby

and purchased a set

of purple troll beads

for me

before sarah's music share night

 she finally told me about it

on christmas

i was shocked

and

speechless

which made the gift

all the more special

for all of us

so grateful for

my hubby

 and family

purple bulbs...

and a festive

glittered

butterfly...

.

i had the sweetest

 delivery
it was from
matt's girlfriend
she created a little
christmas tree
just for me
with mini purple bulbs
silver stars
and a festive, glittered
butterfly
thank you jessica
so grateful to
share the holidays with you

red plaid taffeta...

on the bolt

it was just

plaid taffeta...

.

 

red and black taffeta

i'd bought it not sure

what i'd make

then i turned it into

 the bottom

half of a dress for my

sweet sarah

a bow tie

for her handsome brother

even a skirt for me

 

 

on

a sunday afternoon

the 19th of december

my family of four

walked into

the state theater

for a live performance

of the nutcracker

a plain dealer photographer

captured this pose

and soon that red plaid taffeta

became the symbolism

for christmas

nineteen ninety two

i cherish the memories

so very thankful

our girl was

healthy that day

so grateful we

spent the time

together

jesus loves the little children...

all the

children

of the world...

.

aziza caswell's beautifully heartbreaking casket decorated by her classmates

 ...red and yellow

black and white

they're all precious in his sight

jesus loves the little children

of the world

why must we bury

so many precious

innocent children

my human heart

does not understand

Jesus said, (Matthew 5:4)

"Blessed are those who mourn,

for they shall be comforted 

brave

every year

the kid in me

is so excited...

.

 

...when disney on ice

comes to town

this time i really

can't wait

i'm more excited

than a child

on christmas morning

brave

my very own princess

the wild haired

fiesty

 redhead

is going to be

 rockin' ever after

and thanks

 to my girl

she has found us seats

in the front row

can't wait

sweet warrior princess...

it's been

a hard day

a sad day...

.

...an unexplainable day

the world has lost

another precious

sweet child

so much like our sarah

born with down syndrome

so many of the same

health concerns

tracheal stenosis

a fragile respiratory system

heart and lung defects

but

a fighter

a warrior

a survivor

until today

when infection set in

just too much for her little body

my heart breaks in two

thinking of her dear

mama

and her teenage sister

the rest of her family

broken

crushed

and empty

hug your children today

in loving memory

of aziza

i am the tears of joy...

i had a large

envelope waiting

for me today...

.

 

...it's arrival

i do believe

has been planned

for a really long time

nearly fifty three years perhaps

i really do believe

 everything

i see here in print

yes

i do deserve

all that my heart

desires

i really do

it's taken many years

to pull back the layers

to stop

 listening to the haters

to the critics

i allowed to run

and nearly ruin

my life

to self acknowledge

that i am not

 perfect

but that is ok

i am still worthy

and loved

it has taken courage

 to see a note from a friend

and believe it

really believe it

i am the tears of joy

i am

and with that

 i am able to move on

to see that there is something

so powerful

and great

in getting to a place of

forgiveness

i can now hear...

 

 

...my own heart sing

for all the right reasons

yes sweet one

you are loved

thank you stephanie

for coming into my life

at just the exact moment

when i needed

you

you too friend

are loved